A Manly Seinfeldian Reformed Perspective On All Of Life
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
"I need to get some me!"
Just a few thoughts for the day....
- With the long writers strike, are we going to have all our TV shows cut short this season? That is, I'm guessing we are not going to get the full 22 or 23 episode season. If that happens, shouldn't we get a MAJOR pricecut on the DVD purchase, I don't want to have to take out another morgage to pay for 2/3 of a season. The ironic beauty of this would be the writers getting 'less money' for the DVD's in which they originally held out for. All in all, I'd be happy watching "The Office" through June instead of baseball or reality TV.
- The NFL draft is over, and I'm so glad. Mel Kiper can finally go back to his tanning bed and hair salon until his pre-emptive talk is called upon again in October. The thing you gotta love about Mel is that he is always convinced he is right, walks around like the 'godfather' of something that he is convinced is second in importance behind the presidential race (little does he know 99% of us glance at the results in the same manner as finding out the next day who won the Academy Award for best picture, "hmm...Ok, didn't think Crash was that good"). I'm already laughing at "Mockdraft 1" for 2009 on espn.com, by the time mockdraft 786 comes around, I can actually get just as close. Does anyone else think that Todd McShay is Kiper's 'Robin'? (and I mean the 'Robin' from Batman Forever....the worst superhero movie of all time)
- The NBA playoffs, We are 2 weeks into it....only 17 more to go. Although, the Hawks (yes, Atlanta still has a professional team, if your shocked like me, you need to know they didn't dissapear with the Montreal Expos. trust me, I looked it up) are tied with the Celtics. Pretty exciting stuff...for about 2 minutes. Actually, I find it more exciting to find out what happened the next morning on "Mike and Mike" than to actually sit down and watch a game. But with my hometown 76ers, I actually do stay up and find out what happened on the local news. yeah for the NBA.
- Baseball, 25 down...137 to go...wake me up when it's over.
He set out to spend the most amount of money possible on the poorest evaluation of talent. Accomplished. He arranged for millions to be paid to men who were better set in their recliener at home. He traded away draft picks for promising team players, like Stephan Marbury. He formed a team that had one qualification to be on the roster....the largest ego in the game. He wasn't finished. So he chose to step on to the court and mold the talent he had arranged by imploring strategies similar to the drunken millionaire at the poker table. Surely this mockery had to end soon....so we thought.
It appears that Isaiah Thomas has been fired as coach, but is going to somehow still remain with the team. Knick's president Donnie Walsh has chosen simply to "reassign" Thomas, rather than doing what he should have done, putting him in a wooden crate on some ship to the far east. At this point of the news, I wasn't sure whether Walsh was so dilushend that he just had to convince himself "There's still some good in him, I can feel it". But then as I learned of the job description, the move became apparent. This is classic game of stubborn chicken, daring each other who can take on more embarrassment.
Here is the 'new' job description: Thomas has no official title, he is to have NO contact with any players or personel related to the Knicks. The "good news" is that Thomas may still speak to Madison Square Garden chairman James Dolan, who knows what they would even have to talk about? Walsh described Thomas' new duties like this, " I don't want there to be some kind of double-voice here, so he's answering to me and nobody's reporting to him."
Here's what we have: Isaiah Thomas is getting paid by the Knicks to have no contact with anyone on the team, occasionally hang out with Millionaire James Dolan, and be available to change the toilet paper in Donnie Walsh's office bathroom. In fact, Thomas will get in trouble if does any actual work. He is on salary to do nothing. Have you ever heard of this? Essentially, he has been assigned to a job that is intended to humilate any "Legacy" Isaiah wanted to write. The funniest part is that Thomas has yet to quit, he wants to play the game, go head to head with Walsh. Who is going to back down first?
This is the real life saga of the Seinfeld episode "The Voice", if you remember George Costanza's company wants to get rid of him b/c they found out he wasn't really handicapped. Ironically, George was handicapped, just not physically, or 'legally'. Play Now wanted George out, but couldn't b/c he had a 1 year contract with them, and "faking a handicap" was not proper grounds for legal dismissal. George chooses to go head to head with the boss refusing (like Isaiah) to quit, who tells him "I'll see you in Hell Costanza!!". George chooses to exploit the contract by meeting it's one demand: Showing up to work everyday. Play Now tries to force him out by 'reassigning' his office to the basement, boarding it up which forced George to climb through the vent, poisoning his food. But George persisted through, until he ironically bankrupts them at the end of the episode, putting himself out of a job.
Maybe that's what Isaiah will do next, figure out a way to bankrupt one of the richest franchises in sports. Who know's what is next. But the Legend continues....
What else would he do? Possibly open a hair salon?
First, my apologies for the slow blogging. It will probably be this way until the seminary semester comes to a close. For some reason, seminary professors do not understand the vital influence sweet emotion has on the world and are relentless in their time demands. But, amidst the sports lull, I had to inform our readers about something we need to pull for.
Here is something to get excited about. Mel Kiper this morning on ESPN radio, in a staunch disagreement with another person that dared disagree with his life obsession (the NFL draft), made a striking statement. He said...and I do paraphrase...If Matt Ryan goes anywhere past the 8th pick, then I will not quit what I do.
Wow! That is something to get excited about. No more Mel Kiper and his year round NFL draft analysis. Don't get me wrong, I love the draft, but you've gotta pull for Matt Ryan to go past the 8th pick just to see if he will stay true to his word. I mean what will Kiper do with his life is there is no "expert" analysis.
Ravens, Dolphins, Jets and others...do it for the sake of everyone. On a sidenote, I don't really get the whole Matt Ryan thing? Did anyone see him when he played against the big boys?
Oh and by the way, your crazy if you don't draft McFadden.
The sports depression continues to grow (OK, I'm not as bumbed out as Dr. 'abouttodie' in pic above). 4 Reasons:
1) I have been unable to contribute anything lately b/c of the frustration I had with the University of Kansas in the tournament. Jay Bilas got his wish and stomped all over my heart and the rest of America's by eliminating Davidson, then got out-of-this-world lucky in the championship game. I was bumbed Memphis didn't win b/c I wanted them to be able to stick it to Seth Davis, Jay Bilas, ESPN, Billy Packer and the rest of the media who dogged on them and said they were the 'weakest' of the #1 seeds...we were :03 away from that. Why didn't Calipari say in his TO "after he makes the second free throw_______" (you finish it).
2) The Masters is definitively now the "opening act" for golf's true main event in June, The US Open. How boring has this tournament become? They have made the course in such a way that it is impossible to make a move on Sunday but it is not so hard that you go out and shoot eighty-something (someone in the last group of the US Open has done that in 6 consecutive years). I am bored with Zach Johnson, I am bored with Trevor Immelmon. There are no roars on the back nine anymore. The two greatest Sundays at Augusta are Phil's charge in '04 and Jack's in '86 - we are not seeing anything close to this. All the Masters does now is get me in the mood for the US Open. It has lost some luster.
3) By the Way the NBA season is upon us...oh wait, they only have 4 regular season games left?? Oh well, the playoffs start soon and they only take 4-6 months, so that should be exciting. (All aside, if you can bare to watch and pay attention - the west is going to have an incredibly competitive post season).
4) Baseball has started: The good side is that means summer is on its way, Football is the next sport, and I can catch up on all the good movies I missed this year - the bad side is that Sportscenter will now begin with statements like "Tune in at 11 to see how the Royals squeked out a nailbiter in Cleveland tonight!" or hearing statistics like "The Duke led the American League this year in saves, ERA and hit batsmen. This guy once threw at his own kid in a father son game." We have a 150 games to go......
Somebody cheer me up. Then again, there's always wedding season. (Most "unmanly" thing I've ever said)
Of course the NCAA Finals are tonight and people are debating chances of each team. I would like to take a different approach in breaking down the game. Instead of studying x's and o's, backcourt size, and free throw shooting. let's take a look at the notable alumni from each school. My reasoning is as follows: Whichever team has the most distinguished alumni, has the most power, and therefore will hold the deciding X-factor in the game tonight. (So maybe the reasoning doesn't work)
Politics - Fred Thompson (Memphis) vs. Bob Dole (Kansas). A Republican Presidential Candidate verse the Republican's actual nominee. Fred was definitely a disappointment in this years race, but he was in Law and Order and Die Hard. Anybody that stands with Bruce Willis gets the victory.
Business - Ken May (Memphis) vs. Alan Mulally (Kansas). Ken brings quite a bit of money to the table in being the CEO of Fedex Kinko. Alan , as CEO of Ford Motor Company is no slouch either. In the end, we must give the slight victory to Mr. May. As much as I love a good American company like Ford, I would buy a Honda if it was up to me and Fedex Company made us less reliant on the governmental post office.
Non-basketball athlete - Isaac Bruce (Memphis) vs. Gale Sayers (Kansas) - As much fun as it was to watch the greatest show on earth featuring Kurt Warner and Isaac Bruce, you must go with the Hall of Famer here. Some mention the Kansas Comet as the greatest of all time had it not been for his career ending kee-injuries.
Movie/Television - in perhaps our most important category - Wink Martindale (Memphis) vs. Scott Bakula/Don Johnson. What a matchup of TV legends. Scott starred in the unforgettable series of the early 90's Quantum Leap, and Don Johnson dazzled the ladies in Nash Bridges. However, even Scott and Don can't compete with the legend of Wink Martindale. His gameshows Tic Tac Dough and Trivial Pursuit brought years of entertainment to all ages. The value of Wink in the hearts of Americans is just too much for Scott and Don to handle.
There you have it folks. Both schools are loaded with legendary alumni, but the scales are tipped in Memphis favor tonight. Should the Tigers win, an immediate thank you call to Fred Thompson and others should be in order. Tonight, just remember, you might be interested in the game...but not as much as Wink Martindale.
Lastly, I had never seen this before. Classic moment in college basketball.