Nintendo No-No's

Lets face it, I played a lot of video games growing up. I don't get to play too much anymore, but thats OK. Trust me, I had my fair share of Nintendo time growing up. I'm sure plenty of people have played more hours than me, but I've accrued enough hours in my lifetime to intelligently comment on the unspoken rules of Nintendo.

The unspoken rules of Nintendo are those laws that regulate your gaming experience. They really don't have to be written down, because they are written on man's heart. Everyone instinctively knows that if these rules are broken, a fist fight is rightfully coming your way. Speaking from personal experience, I've seen tempers lost, grudges held, and punches thrown when these rules are ruptured.

(I am a Nintendo loyalist, so the following rules and examples come from Nintendo but can probably be applied to other game systems.)
The unspoken rules of Nintendo are broken when the following takes place:

9) Pausing without warning during the middle of the action. Torrent made this rule famous. At the worst possible moments he would pause the game and say "hold on now, gotta scratch my nose." Again, the punishment might just be yelling, but its about respect. Penalty = a dirty look, followed by a scream if it happens more than once.

8) Looking at another person's controller. Always unprofessional to break this rule. But in a game like Tecmo Bowl, the guilty party at least deserves to be yelled at. Peering at somebody's play in Tecmo Bowl was devastating. With only 4 plays to choose from, how could it not be? Kurt Cooper calls this technique paddle peeking. Penalty = a good yelling at.

7) When playing a cooperative action game, you kill your own teammate on purpose. The accidental kill always happens, but when you can't resist the urge to line up that target on your teammate and pull the trigger...thats poor. Penalty - a refusal to play with you again.

6) Refusing to play again when you are the champion. Everyone knows how this goes. Sure it might just be a minor infraction, but it is annoying. Case in point, at the A-frame in college, Nathan Michaels and I were reigning champs in Mario Tennis. Nothing made people more angry than when we refused a challenge. We would say things such as "gotta study sorry, I'm just worn out, etc." Penalty for infraction = name calling and/or banging on the your bedroom walls until you agree to play

5) Taking a teammates life without permission in Contra. Granted this rule applies only to one game, but it was the greatest cooperative play game of all time. Everybody broke this rule once in their life. Your angry because your partner has 17 lives left and you've had a horrible game. You simply press "start" and your back in the game. Everybody has done it, but its still downright wrong. Penalty = a quick jab in the arm

4) Throwing a controller. This was never a pretty site. Usually the controller was tossed right after a devastating loss or a wide open missed layup in NBA Live 95. The victim would scream at the TV screen, blame the game, and then smash the controller onto the ground or even worse into the wall. Thankfully NES controllers were invincible, but I was guilty many times of this infraction. Always had to be a little more careful when the analogue stick came out on the N64 controller. Pentalty = mom usually came into the room and made you quit playing if "your going to act like that."

3) Exploiting a glitch in a game. Sports games were almost always the culprit here. In football games the guilty party would find one or two "unstoppable plays" and run them on every key down. It would get my blood boiling. The all time greatest illustration of this rule was in the classic NES basketball game "Double Dribble." There was one 3-point shot from the corner that went in almost everytime. If you exploited it, congratulations, but its still poor. Penalty = usually a warning from the opposing player for first offense, after 3rd, 4th, etc. it was gradually worse. Yelling turned to screaming, which turned to controller throwing and then usually ended in a form tackle.

2) Pulling out the controller of your opponent. When this happened it was bad news. A person would be losing a game and would jerk the plug of the opponents controller straigh out of the system. Leaving the opponent helpless and mashing his buttons, the culprit would throw a quick touchdown pass and begin celebrating. Penalty = automatic punch in the face and calls for a redo....and here comes mom to break it up.

1) By far the most horrific rule break came when a person turned OFF THE GAME IN ANGER to prevent the soon to be winning player from getting his due satisfaction. This was completely uncool, and nothing made me madder. Right when you were about to revel in your victory and celebrate, the screen would go blank. The smiles of victory turned to sneers of hatred. This rule infraction was illustrated in college by my good friend and roomate Harvey Edwards. I was beating him in NBA Jam on the Super Nintendo when all of a sudden, visibly frustrated he reached over and pulled the game out of the system while the power was still on (double infraction). The light blinked on and off on the system and the screen turned blue. Then in utter disbelief I watched as he opened our front door and tossed out the game. I stood up only to see my beloved NBA Jam cartridge skid across the black asphault. Needless to say, I think I said something about him being ridiculous, stormed up to my room and harbored bitterness. Penalty = An all out, drop the gloves brawl.

I'm sure there are other rules and stories out there, but these were a few that I think everyone can relate with. Feel free to share any of your own.