"Are you kidding me...Are you out of your mind???.....Are you out of your freaking mind??.."
I'm sure Gruden had to say that a few times when he saw some of Daly's shots, or even when Daly simply asked for the big stick on the tee. Can someone please explain to me how this got together, b/c I want to know how we can make it happen again. How funny and at the same time admirable was it to see hardcore Jon Gruden carrying Daly's bag? It just got me thinking, who would make the most entertaining Caddies for a whole weekend with John Daly
James Carville - With each bad shot, he would demean Daly with phrases and thoughts that would go right over his head, and then his cajuin temper would snap right back in his thickest cajuin accent, "your only true profession is being a big fat marketing tool for hooters hot wings and beer." Carville would attempt to over-analyze each shot and then get into an argument with Daly when he simply doesn't understand. Most likely, Carville would drop the bag on the 8th hole and leave ranting about some connection between golf and politics that none of us understand.
Jack Nicholson - He's the only caddy would strike true fear into the deep buried soul of John Daly (We all know how deeply burried that is under that gut). He's one-liner statements would eventually lead to some tears on the course, "Now comes the part where I relieve you, nancing around in your pumpkin orange, of the burden of your failed and useless life. But remember, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile". Daly then walks off the course even more depressed than when he started, takes the next cab to Vegas to bet on the tournament, marries the hooters waitress in the restaraunt and then proceeds to eat 316 wings in honor of his tournament score.
Ocho Cinco - this would be great b/c if Daly ever did anything worth celebrating about, we would get some unusual celebration reactions from the couple. Ocho may ride the putter like a horse, or have Daly and himself pull their shirts up to have matching tatoos, or the riverdance across from the green to the tee box, or he could turn and just propose to John and then get up to smile to show us that beautiful grill!
Larry the Cable Guy - this would allow us to get a running commentary by someone who totally understands the life of John Daly, b/c he shares much of it. They could stop every 3 holes for some corn dogs, hot wings, and more beer. The only problem is that both of them might pass out by the 12th hole. Then they would both dream about drinking the world's largest Margarita only to wake up with their heads in the toilet of the men's locker room.
Kelvin Sampson - Surely he could figure out a way to help Daly win a frappin' tournament, kick his ball back into play, "John, did have an 8 or a......4 on the last hole?....i thought that was a 4." Heck, with Sampson on the bag, he might be able to help Daly challenge for the grand slam!
Here's to a wonderful Golf Season, soon to truly kick off in a month at Augusta.
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.