Bill's Level's of losing

I'm not a big Bill Simmons fan, but his article (which was recently modified) on the levels of losing is genious and the best article he's ever written. My only qualm with it is that there is no CFB love, so i've adapted it somewhat for our CFB love. Please excuse all the Tennessee shout-outs, naturally those come to mind for me...please add to the lists as I can't remember some of the best examples.


Level XVI: The Princeton Principle
Definition: When a Cinderella team hangs tough against a heavy favorite, but the favorite somehow prevails in the end ... This one stings because you had low expectations, but those gritty underdogs raised your hopes...
Recent Memory: Vanderbilt @ Florida 2005. Vandy was on somewhat of a roll and almost pulled one out in the swamp, but came up short in OT. Ole Miss/Tennessee 2004, Vols were on the ropes in a game that should not have been close, Brian couldn't call me for a few weeks after that....we've never really spoken about the game...we'll leave it at that.

Level XV: The Achilles' Heel
Definition: This defeat transcends the actual game, because it revealed something larger about your team, a fatal flaw exposed for everyone to see. ... Usually the beginning of the end. (You don't fully comprehend this until you're reflecting back on it.)
Best Example: 2005 Michigan romps Notre Dame by putting ball in the air, Notre Dame still hasn't stopped anybody. Also in 99' Florida was 9-1 going into last game of season against Fla. State, Noles exposed the Gator's defense...and Gators lost last 3 games badly.

Level XIV: The Alpha Dog
Definition: It might have been a devastating loss, but at least you could take solace that a superior player made the difference in the end. Unfortunately, he wasn't playing for your team. You feel more helpless here than anything.
Best Memory: 2006 Rose Bowl. Two words: Vince Young.....Will Ferrell is still crying.

Level XIII: The Rabbit's Foot
Definition: This applies to those frustrating games and/or series in which every single break seemingly goes against your team. You know that sinking, "Oh, God, I've been here before" feeling when something unfortunate happens, when your guard immediately goes shooting up?
Recent Memory: Florida State/Miami...Wide Right.....Every Georgia/Florida game I can remember (except 97'). In 2002 Georgia came into the game undefeated, Florida was average at best. Georgia takes opening kickoff and scores in like 6 plays. Richt decides to get Shockley some PT and all the breaks changed. Georgia missed 3 field goals, and Terrance Edwards drop forever wrote his legacy in Athens.

Level XII: The Over Time
Definition: You lose in OT and walk straight out of the game without saying a word, there is silence in the first 2 hours of the car ride home.
Personal Memory: 2000 Tennessee lost in OT @ LSU. The pain Alabama must have felt in 03' in losing to Tennessee in 5 OT's would have been crushing...in Tuscaloosa, that was beautiful. The Ole Miss/Arkansas (what year was that?) would have produced legendary stories. The 96' Auburn/Georgia game deserves a shout-out here for being the first SEC OT game. Maybe the most painful would have been for those Miami fans after the 03' Fiesta Bowl loss to Ohio State, b/c they had already won the stankin' game.

Level XI: Dead Man Walking
Definition: Applies to any season in which your team remains "alive," but they just suffered a loss so catastrophic and so harrowing that there's no possible way they can bounce back. ... Especially disheartening because you wave the white flag mentally, but there's a tiny part of you still holding out hope for a miraculous momentum change. So you've given up, but you're still getting hurt, if that makes sense.
Personal Memory: 2005 Tennessee/Alabama....Tennessee was struggling coming in, but a win over #5 Alabama would have turned things around. Corey "Freakin'" (edited) Anderson Fumbled on the goaline with 1:30 to play, ball goes through the endzone....Alabama gets their only big play of game on a miracle catch....kicks field goal on last play of game. Tennessee's season was over that day in Tuscaloosa.
Good Example: In 2004, Florida was still alive against LSU in early october, they blew a 10 point lead in the last 4 minutes of the game at home, that was the beginning of the end for Zook. The next week they lost to Mississippi State and Zook was fired.

Level X: The Monkey Wrench
Definition: Any situation in which either (A) the coach or player of your team made an idiotic game decision or (B) a referee/umpire robbed your team of impending victory.
Player Example: 2004 Kentucky has Florida beat, just need to run out the clock. Jared Lorenzon is being sacked, as he is twisted down he tries to "throw the ball away"...it hit Jarvis Herring right in the hands going the other way...Florida won. Ironically, one week earlier Florida suffered some nasty controversy in knoxville.
Coaching Example: 2001 Auburn/Georgia....What was Mark Richt thinking trying to run the ball with no timeouts and :12 left on the clock, i don't care if your on the 3 yard line. The only people "suprised" were the Georgia fans?
Personal Memory: 2000 Jabar Gaffney's TD "catch" with :04 against Tennessee. Verne Lunquist and Todd Blackledge still talk about how horrible of a call that was. Also, 94' cocktail party when Florida "Called time-out" in the rain....don't bring that game up in good company.
Best Example: 1990 Colorado's 5 downs...it was a Big 8 game and I was still mad. 2006 Oklahoma/Oregon....worst call i've ever seen.

Level IX: The Full-Fledged Butt-Kicking
Definition: Sometimes you can tell right away when it isn't your team's day. ... And that's the worst part, not just the epiphany but everything that follows -- every botched play; every turnover; every instance where someone on your team quits; every "deer in the headlights" look; every time an announcer says, "They can't get anything going"; every shot of the opponents celebrating; every time you look at the score and think to yourself, "Well, if we score here and force a turnover, maybe we'll get some momentum," but you know it's not going to happen, because you're already 30 points down. ... You just want it to end, and it won't end. ... But you can't look away. ... It's the sports fan's equivalent to a three-hour torture session.
Recent Example: 2007 Tennessee/Florida....it was over when Brandon James ran a punt back with 13:44 in the first quarter. 2004 LSU/Georgia, big hyped up game that was over in 5 minutes. Georgia embarrassed the defending national champs.
Best example: 2006 BCS championship game, how painful that must have been for Buckeye fans. To turn the tables....Florida vs. Nebraska 1995.....2004 BCS championship game, If I was an Oklahoma fan, I would have left at half time...and driven straight to Norman. Also in 2001 BCS championship game, it couldn't have felt good for Nebraska fans to see Andre Johnson running down the field with no around him...and then to be down 34-0 at half time in a national championship game. I'll never forget Zolich's pregame comments "we deserve to be here".....yeah, ha!!

Level VIII: The "This Can't Be Happening"
Definition: The sibling of the Full-Fledged Butt-Kicking. You're supposed to win, you expect to win, the game is a mere formality. ... Suddenly your team falls behind, your opponents are fired up, the clock is ticking and it dawns on you for the first time, "Oh, my God, this can't be happening."
Recent Example: 2007 Auburn/Miss. State. One of my Auburn buddies sent me a text after the game that read "did that just happen....fire Tuberville", i'm glad to report that he's repented of that after last weekend. 2006 Georgia/Vanderbilt....the faces in the stands after that field goal said it all..."This can't be happening". 2003 Florida/Ole Miss in the swamp, just beautiful....One of my Florida friends threw his shoe at me when i gave him the 'gator chomp' after that.
Personal Memory: 1996 Tennessee/Memphis....Memphis gets a late hail mary miracle with :28 left by a gimpy QB to a WR who i'm sure got cut from his highschool team. I'm pretty sure I threw up after that game.

Level VII: The Drive-By Shooting
Definition: When your ranked in the top 5 and lose to I-AA team
Only Example: Hail to the Victor's vailant!!!!

Level VI: The Broken Axle
Definition: When something causes the wheels to come flying off in a big game, leading to a complete collapse down the stretch. You know when it's happening because (A) the home crowd pushes their team to another level, and (B) the team that's collapsing becomes afflicted with Deer-In-The-Headlitis.
Personal Memory: 2003 Tennessee/Georgia...3pt. game just before half time, Tennessee opts to go for six from the one yard line instead of kicking field goal on last play of the half....Clausen fumbles, Sean "What's his name" picked it up and ran 99 yards....Tennessee should have just stayed in the locker room at half time. I had to watch that crap as the only vol fan around 90 Georgia students...worst experience of my RUF internship.

Level V: The Role Reversal
Definition: Any rivalry in which one team dominated another team for an extended period of time, then the perennial loser improbably turned the tables. For the fans of the vanquished team, the most crushing part of the "Role Reversal" isn't the actual defeat as much as the loss of an ongoing edge over the fans from the other team. You lose the jokes, the arrogance and the unwavering confidence that the other team can't beat you.
Personal Example: Easily one of most painful losses ever to me, Tennessee/Georgia 2001...."P-44 Hayes" with :06 left. My dad and I were on the phone yelling and celebrating when Travis Stephens scored with :40 left, after Georgia scored....we didn't call each other back and we didn't talk for at least a week. This game elevated Georgia into the top tier of the SEC and changed the momentum of a dominated series. Georgia has dominated series since.
Classic Example: Georgia finally beating Florida in 97'....Also in 03' when Ole Miss beat Auburn at Auburn, i know it gave Brian lots of air to walk on and proved that Ole Miss was for real that year.
Recent Example: Texas FINALLY having an edge on Oklahoma, though it was done somewhat anti-climactically b/c when they turned it, they were so much better. Before 05' you just knew Texas wasn't going to beat Oklahoma, now it's a toss-up.

Level IV: The Guillotine
Definition: This one combines the devastation of The Broken Axle Game with sweeping bitterness and hostility. ... Your team's hanging tough (hell, they might even be winning), but you can feel the inevitable breakdown coming, and you keep waiting for the guillotine to drop, and you just know it's coming -- you know it -- and when it finally comes, you're angry that it happened and you're angry at yourself for contributing to the debilitating karma. ... These are the games when people end up whipping their remote controls against a wall or breaking their hands while pounding a coffee table.
Best Example: 2004 Alabama/Auburn, Alabama couldn't hang on but you could see it coming a mile away....2006 Tennessee/Georgia, Georgia's breakdown started with the second play of the second half....2004 Texas/Oklahoma State....as much as I hate them, this was 2005 USC/Notre Dame - you just knew USC was going to drive down and win that game.
Personal Memory: Tennessee/Florida 2006, Vols were winning whole game until Tebow came in and converted 4th and 1...Florida scored on next play to win game....My friend Alex Graham said "we just lost a game we controlled for 55 min.....but i never thought we were going to win."

Level III: The Stomach Punch
Definition: Any roller-coaster game that ends with (A) an opponent making a pivotal (sometimes improbable) play or (B) one of your guys failing in the clutch. Usually ends with fans filing out after the game in stunned disbelief, if they can even move at all. Always haunting, sometimes scarring.
Good Example: 1997 Nebraska/Missouri, what do u make of the "kick-catch". 1994 Michigan/Colorado...Kordell Stewart threw that ball 75 yards!!! That was painful even for Keith Jackson.
Best Example: 2004 LSU/Kentucky...fans storming the field, actually taking down the goalposts...and Devery Henderson running into those students as he crossed the endzone....best ever.
Personal Memory: 2006 LSU/Tennessee.....Vols had that game...4th and 8.....who would have thought Jamarcus Russell wouldn't choke, but threw the go ahead TD with :06? That game hurt to the core of your soul.

Level II: The Goose/Maverick Tailspin
Definition: A good team seems to be cruising through a season and then one game or one play seems to send the team into a downward spiral that will never end. It's all downhill after this one.
Best Example: Everytime Ohio State lossed to Michigan in the 90's....they were so finished by the bowl game.
Personal Memory: 1992 Tennessee is ranked #3 hosting a bad Arkansas team...Arkansas kicked a field goal on last play of game to win....Tennessee then lost three in a row and eventually Johnny Majors was fired...sandwiched in those losses was ANOTHER frappin' loss to Alabama. It felt like you were drowning and forgot how to swim.

Level I: That Game
Definition: That one dadgum game that words cannot describe the misery, the loathing, the seemingly eternal agony that follows this game.
Personal Memory: 1990 Tennessee/Alabama....Tennessee is ranked #2 coming off a 45-3 win over Florida, Alabama is unranked and comes in having lossed to memphis...Alabama had won 6 in a row coming into the game....with :15 left Tennessee is lining up to kick winning field goal, Alabama blocks it and it rolls backwards 50 yards....Alabama kicks field goal on last play of game to win. My dad lost a loyal patient that day when he refused to go to his office afterwards. Our friend Bill walked out of our house w/o saying bye or thanking us for having him over. My dad proceeded to take the tape (we were taping the game anticpating a memorable win over Alabama) and stomped on it in the driveway to a million pieces. We still talk about this and immediately begin banging my head on the cabinet in disgust.

Best Example: You tell me..........Share your own.