Athletes meet Hollywood

Sweet Emotion claims to bring a Reformed, Seinfeldian view of life to table. And for the next blog, that is appropriate for two reasons. Seinfeld found everyday things in life to poke fun at. I think you'll agree that the usual athlete's attempt to turn Hollywood star is usually humorous. Secondly, it goes to show that God really does gift his people in different ways. For example, I would shudder to hear the music from a band with me as the lead singer. It may come as a surprise to some of you, but I am not gifted in that way. On the same note, athletic ability is a gift from the God of the Bible whether that person recognizes is or not. The gift of athletic ability does not always translate into a successful career in Hollywood. I heard some people talking about Dan Marino the other day, and for some reason I recalled his "Oscar" role in Ace Ventura.

Here are Sweet Emotions Top 5 most memorable attempts at bridging the Athlete-Hollywood Gap. Highlighted in the list will be risk factor (how many lines was he required to speak), unintentional comedy level, memorable lines, quality of movie, and any other necessary note.

5) Andre the Giant - this assumes that Pro-Wrestling is an athletic sport. Again, I understand pro-wrestling (spoiler alert) is not real, but I could not leave him nor his crucial role in The Princess Bride out.
Risk Level - medium - Though he had more lines than one might think, keeping Andre in the role of a stupid giant enabled him to carry out the lines with little risk.
Unintentional comedy level - low - The Princess Bride is a GREAT MOVIE, so most of the comedy is intentional.
Memorable lines - After westley asks if he is just fiddling around with him. Andre responds with. "I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed."
Also this: Fezzik: We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
Man in Black: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?
Fezzik: [brandishing rock] I could kill you now.
Quality of movie - High. A classic. Nominated for 5 Oscars
Other Notes: He has one of the best cross over names (Fezzik) and his memorable hand to hand showdown with "Man in Black" is top-notch

4) Reggie Jackson - He played himself beautifully in The Naked Gun
Risk Factor - Very Low - I believe his only lines were, "I must kill the queen." And to further minimize the risk factor, they forced him to act like a robot.
Unintentional Comedy Level - High - Reggie tries to act like a robot and then is form tackled by Leslie Nielson. Beautiful
Memorable Lines - I must kill the queen.
Quality of Movie - high. One of my favority movies to quote. The whole baseball scene at the end still makes me chuckle. Surprisingly there were no Oscar Nominations.
Other Notes: Probably the only movie on the list that contains another athlete turned actor. O.J. Simpson. He is painfully bad, but they manage to minimize his lines by having him in the hospital doped up for most of the movie.

3) Howie Long - Taking a lead role in the movie Firestorm
Risk Factor - Out the roof - They actually put this guy in a lead role. And the movie pays the price.
Unintentional Comedy Level - again, out the roof. In a high action disaster movie with a Hall of Fame defensive lineman with more than 10 lines....the possibilities are endless.
Memorable Lines - Anyone? I'm sure he said something incredibly corny before killing someone.
Quality of Movie - only have seen bits and pieces of it on TBS or something.
Other Notes: Who can forget the scene with Howie emerging from a lake with an axe in hand ready to throw?

2) Tommy Morrison - Rocky V. What an emotional character and gut-wrenching relationship he had with Rocky.
Risk Factor - medium - not as high as you would think. Putting anyone next to Sylvester Stallone will make him look better than he really is.
Unintentional comedy level - High - The Rocky/Rocky Jr. scenes are saturated with unintentional comedy. The kid wears earrings, and cries in front of his dad. He also tells his dad about Picasso in one scene. Rocky and Picasso....hmmm.
Memorable lines: Anytime, anyplace, anywhere!
Tommy Gunn: Yo Rock. I ai'nt you. You ai'nt Mick. When are you gonna realize that this is a buissness? Where's the money?
Tommy Gunn: Duke gave me my title shot. You didn't.
Rocky Balboa: But, Tommy.
Tommy Gunn: No way Rock, it's my way or the highway.
Quality of movie: a complete disaster. First time I can remember being very disappointed at a movie as a child.
Other Notes: Tommy "The Machine" Gunn helped make Rocky V and embarrassment to the series. Actually, I don't count it as one. Classic moment does come when he pops Paulie in the mouth and Rocky says "Hey yo, my rings outside."

1) Dan Marino - as mentioned earlier, his role in Ace Ventura was awesomely painful to watch.
Risk Factor - pretty low...but not low enough
Unintentional Comedy Level - He is so bad in it that it goes beyond it and hurts
Memorable Lines -
Ace Ventura:Please don't kill me. I'll never tell anyone. Kill him, he's the one you want.
Dan Marino: No, no kill him.
Ace Ventura: No kill him. He held the ball wrong, remember? Come on, look at the guy.
Dan Marino: Whimp.
Ace Ventura: Jock.
Dan Marino: Cry-baby.
Ace Ventura: Muscle-head.
Lois Einhorn: SHUT UP.
Quality of Movie - love it. Even Dan Marino doesn't keep me from laughing.
Other notes: Mr. Shickadance is one of the greatest character names for any movie.

Honorable Mention - Dennis Rodman, Georghe Muresan, Brian Bosworth, Mario Lopez (he wrestled in high school)

Any I've left out?