If I had a Million Dollars...

It remains one of my 'fantasy fan' dreams to one day attend a super bowl. Just to be able to say I went, and I got the experience. I want to go, but the problem is that I don't have $2,000 just lying around for some nose-bleed ticket.

But then you watch some of the these NFL films documentaries and see "Jim-Bob Jawerski" who weighs 280 llbs but only stands 5'9, Jim has a thick mustache that is detectable through his painted face, but you can't tell what color his eyes are b/c he's wearing sun glasses even though it's not sunny. Jim has squeezed his body into his favorite team's jersey, the jersey of a player on the team that hasn't seen the field in at least 8-9 years. In fact the team has altered the uniform so much since then, you have to really know your football to know what team he is wearing. Underneath the jersey is an age-old turtleneck with the team's logo on the neck. His hat sits high upon his head, shaming Les Miles, and was obviously purchased at the Shell station right down the street from Jim-Bob's house. Coming out of the top of the hat is a pom-pom bearing his team's colors.

In one hand Jim-Bob has an amazing 64 ounce mug (the mug was orignally an athletic gatorade bottle that Jim 'converted' for personal use) full of the cheapest beer he could muster up, in the other hand is Jim's super bowl ticket that he has not let go of in over 2 weeks. In fact, it's probably super-glued to his finger tips. He even slept with it. Now as I gaze a stare at Jim-Bob, it's not hard to realize that he is not there 'on the companies money'. I am sure that all my past summer jobs at least equaled his annual salary. What I want to know is how in the world he got that ticket? How are the super bowl stadiums full of Jim-Bob Jawerski's? Easily this is one of the undiscovered 'mysteries of the universe'.

If I finally get to go one day, It will most likely be in similar fashion to the Jim-Bob's of the sportsworld. How can you just show up to the super bowl with no attire on? I've actually heard that security will escort you immediately to the exits. I'd sport the Jersey, hat, or if moment was right I might even paint the chest. I'd have to take in an enormous sign that would catch the camera's attention (Born to Ruin And Destory our Youth). The only problem would seem that you can't exactly take a 3 foot long sub into the stands, or where would you put an entire pizza? I doubt that would hold me back. Do I have any takers? Would anyone join me in this escapade?

If I were at the Super Bowl this week, my fantasy would be to bump into Bill Simmons in the beer line. I'd say "Are you Bill Simmons the sports guy?"...."Yeah, why?"......(right cross to the floor)....."keep the change you filthy animal...oh and the Giants just scored".....(the background of this would be the crowd cheering as Eli threw another TD).

Go Giants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!