Tuesday, February 06, 2007

A Day Full of Testosterone


I will die trying


Martin Strel receives the man of the week award with flying colors. The Slovenian swimmer has announced that he is going to swim the length of the Amazon River. Let's do a quick Jr. High refresher on the Amazon River. The Amazon River snakes for 3,375 miles, and on top of that, the Amazon is filled with piranhas, crocodiles, and snakes. Not only does swimming more than 2 laps impress me, but piranhas scare the heck out of me. Needless to say, it's never been done and many people are calling his manly goal a death wish. To his nay-sayers, Martin simply states "I'm going to swim that river or die trying. But dying is not my intention."

Martin receives the award because he is following the 5 manly rules of achievment. What are the 5 manly rules of achievment?

1) Make preposterous goals that people (especially women) smirk at and declare impossible. He is attempting to swim the Amazon.
2)
Act like it will be no sweat to achieve your proposterous goal.
"I'm going to swim that river
3) Convince others you are crazy enough to actually do it. He said he will die trying.
4) Actually attempt to achieve the goal (yet to be determined)
5) Spill blood in your efforts to achieve the goal.
His plan for avoiding the crocodiles and piranhas is to dump buckets of animal blood in the river to distract them as he swims by.

The rules remind me of my childhood. Who doesn't remember pulling a trampoline under a tree (always a good idea). After that we daringly went higher and higher on the tree to prove our manhood. We would launch ourselves off of trees onto the deathtrap itself (trampoline). Sure, panic would come across my face when I actually jumped, but after your feet were finally secure on the groun....you simply acted like it was no big deal. Should we have been injured...of course. But we walked away feeling rather manly.
Martin, congratulations! Sweet Emotion is proud to hand you this award.

Lastly, (as if we needed any more testosterone) today is a very manly day. It only comes around once a year. It's the day that fans of college football get to sit around and fantasize about how good their respective teams will be next year. It's called signing day. In the south, recruiting takes the headlines. I join the ranks of the rest of the south and start analyzing our recruits. After analyzing the recruits, I begin to "see the light" of how the new recruits will successfully fill the hole in last year's team. By the end of the analysis, I've convinced myself that Ole Miss got almost exactly what they needed and even found a few "under the radar, sleeper" stars. It's the pattern of every true manly fan of his program. Hey, I'm already convinced Ole Miss will turn a corner next year. Look at all these recruits that have never played a down of college football. Ah...the bliss of being an Ole Miss fan. Until the season actually comes around, one can make up his own foreseen results for the season.

Here's the ESPN top 25 recruiting rankings so far.
1. Florida 2. USC 3. Texas 4. South Carolina 5. Notre Dame 6. Tennessee 7. LSU 8. Auburn 9. Georgia 10. Illinois 11. Georgia Tech 12. Michigan 13. Virginia Tech 14. Texas A&M 15. Clemson 16. Miami (Fla.) 17. Pittsburgh 18. Alabama 19. Ohio State 20. Penn State 21. North Carolina 22. Nebraska 23. Iowa 24. Oregon 25. Mississippi

That is 6 Top 10 recruiting classes for the SEC and 0 in the Big 10.

2 Comments:

At 12:41 AM, Blogger joel kimmel said...

i am gonna need a live video feed of this insane swim. i would pay money to watch that happen. he has set the manly bar pretty high for us. Martin Strel, i commend you. as for recruiting, 6 teams in the top 9?? how can there be any argument as to the toughest conference in the nation. may we also salute Chris Little of Twiggs Co. High. At the last minute, Chris backed out of his commitment to notre dame and signed with UGA. if there were only twenty thousand more Chris Littles in the world...

 
At 12:49 AM, Blogger joel kimmel said...

just read the article. fortunately for us the swim will be documented on the internet. and can we talk about this please?

"Urinating in the water can attract the feared candiru, or toothpick fish, that likes to swim into body orifices, erect a spine and start feeding on blood and tissue."

martin, please don't pee in the water.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home