Sunday, July 29, 2007

Pac 10, good conference?? good whiners!!

Other than when it had the BCS national championship game, I really don't give a crap about the Rose Bowl. It's not a grandaddy or anything special, it's just another new years day game that I watch. On ESPN radio (LA) today it was reported PAC 10 commissioner Tom Hansen threatens to pull the conference from the BCS if there is a "plus one" playoff system (as being considered). Hansen, and presumably the PAC 10, likes the current bowl system. What a bunch of pathetic babies. These are the actions of 10 year olds. If I don't get my way..I don't wanna play. In 2000 Hansen threatned that if Oregon State was left out of the Fiesta Bowl, they would withdraw from the BCS. The fact that that is even an option is absurd. No NCAA basketball teams threatens to "not compete" if they don't get a good seed or if the field expanded or shrunk. I'm so sick of these commissioners speaking on behalf of the players. I know the players don't like the current system. Who can forget that picture of Matt Leinart wearing his "F*&% the BCS" t-shirt while riding a bike. I don't know if the plus-one system is the way to go, but the so called "threat" due to possible discussions is beyond pathetic. You know what Tom Hansen, go ahead. Just let USC go independent and you can take the rest of your crappy conference and do whatever with it. Play in your pretty little Rose Bowl. it feels good to start talking about college football, fall practice starts this friday!!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

a round with Will

Connell Barrett (writer for Golf Magazine) recently had the priveledge of playing a round with Will Ferrell and his college frat buddies. He documented the day and published it in this month's issue. What a priveledge it must have been. Here is a summary of it:

Will begins the day by walking up to the tee and proudly proclaiming "I'm currently 127,000th in the world...Tiger can hear my footsteps. He knows I'm coming for him. This is my secret weapon." Will then cradles his treasured 4-wood with a sweet-spot the size of a postage stamp. "She's a bee-yoot. I keep her in the bag to psyche out my opponents. Make's them think I'm 87 years old. this baby is goin in the Smithsonian."

As he 'warms up', Barrett begins the interview, "Hey Will, what's your power secret?" Ferrell responds "Every morning I put a half cup of steroids into my Sanka. And I grip the club as hard as I possibly can, until I see the whites of my knuckles." Barrett follows up with, "What about your first-tee Jitters?" Chauvinistically, Will says "Simple. Before my opening drive, I throw up for two minutes in the bushes. That calms me right down."

A round with Will is much like it would be in a movie, full of sarcastic skits throughout the round. Ferrell doesn't get to play much, but he only plays with his college Frat bro's. It's just a normal eight-some - Ferrell says "yeah, it really speeds up the play." They joke around, drink lots of beers, and shed clothes throughout the round. Ferrell says, "yeah, we don't get asked to play much anywhere...I can't figure out why?"

As he stands on the tee, he makes good contact hitting a good 240 yard fade down the right side of the fairway. "Sweet mother's milk!" he yells. "Right from the teat!" But oh no, it's in the middle of the fairway. Will walks to his ball and says "This lie always gives me trouble, I'm never here." He then shanks his approach 50 yards short of green into a downhill bunker. Barrett says "Will, you know this is the hardest shot in golf, right?" Ferrell says "Yeah, and I love it. I relish the do i hit this?" As he finally reaches the green, he stands over a 20 foot putt and then asks "Is this a par 8 or par 9?" His friends respond, "Par 9". "Sweet," Ferrell responds, "Then this is for eagle!"

As they walk off the green, Ferrell sulks b/c he three-putted "for par." He notices an unmistakable white and orange storefront sign glaring in the near distance, a sign only found on a public course. "hey, anybody want anything from Home Depot? A circular saw? Power drill? It's on Golf magazine?"

The group jokes around the entire round, with Ferrell performing bits throughout. But all his friends say that is is Will 'just being Will'. One friend says "he's always been like this, ever since I've known him." In fact, Ferrell testifies that it was his fraternity brothers who urged him into acting. They say he was constantly pulling stuff that made every laugh hard enough, that they urged him to do full time. At USC homecoming one year (at the Coliseum mind you) he showed up in only a bath robe stumbled down to the front row swigging a bottle of tequila (it was actually apple juice) and kept shouting "GO TROJANS! RUUUUUUUUN! RUUUUUUN!!" Another time many of his friends were in an English Literature class together. The professor was lecturing on something boring and they hear a knock on the door. Ferrell walks in wearing a janitor's uniform, welding goggles, a hard hat, big rubber gloves, a cigarette dangling from his mouth, and holding a bucket. He said, "Someone puking in here? I got a call someone puked!"

Ferrell is the same in person as he is on the screen. He never leaves character, in fact his frat bro's just drag it out more with him. He's a classy guy with them, never flaunting anything or boasting in his success. In fact one of Will's friends is a cancer survivor who lost both of his legs from the illness. Will befriended him throughout and plays with him to help raise money for cancer awareness. As they play the round, Will's cancer surviving friend Craig Pollard wins the most skins and takes home the big pot. He sunk a put on the 16th to seal the win. "Not bad," Ferrell says. "Think how good you'd be if you had your feet!"

Friday, July 20, 2007

Did I just throw up in my mouth

It's unpatriotic to call this food a "candy"

For some reason the thought of a circus peanut crossed my mind today. Has there ever been a more disgusting candy invented? It's almost heretical to call a circus peanut a piece of candy. Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought candy usually implied that as you chew it a deightful smile emerges on your face. Instead, when i put a circus peanut in my mouth, the look on my face can be likened to what would happen if I saw the end of a Michael Vick dog fight. Not only does it taste like a piece of styrofoam dipped in sweet'N'low and then covered in a light coat of plastic, but it is also outwardly unappealing. Nothing like the sight on an orange peanut to get me excited. Who doesn't love to eat orange plastic?

It baffles me that the circus peanut can still be found in stores. Or maybe no one has actually bought a circus peanut in so long that they have sat on the shelves for 30 years....thus explaining their revolting taste.

Anyway, just wanted to give my salute to the unloveable circus peanut. Here are the ingredients:
sugar, corn syrup, gelatin, soy protein, food coloring and artificial flavor. I guess the artificial flavoring is the kicker. The maker of this "candy" must have said, "let's see if I can create an artifical flavoring that will mimic the taste of vomit."

Anybody with any good circus peanut stories out there?

p.s. I found a positive, the shavings of circus peanuts in a cereal actually inspired Lucky Charms.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

quote of the week

David Wells, always up for a good quote or two had this to say in his rant after being suspended and fined $3,000 for an argument with an umpire.

"Whether it's coming from a higher power, or they're tired of it, but they're changing the game of baseball. We're not allowed to do anything. Pretty soon we'll all put skirts on and we're all going to play softball. You're going to have to throw underhand. If you throw overhand, you're going to get a 20-game suspension. That's kind of how I see this game going.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Can't get rid of that fat?

Does this old fogey have anything to say to us today?

As one of my friends recently put it, “Sin is like my fat, I’m on the beach, rollover and it is right there….my sin just like my fat goes with me wherever I go.” Yes, it is a beautiful and a manly analogy all at the same time. And just what Paul tells us in Romans 7.

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no , the evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing.

Maybe it’s just me, but I get sick of my sin. Lately, I’ve been learning more and more how I just can’t seem to get away from the darkness of my own heart. I mask it and make it look ok to the outsider, but I can’t get away from it. I then came across a letter written by the ole pastor and hymn-writer John Newton (1725-1807). Sometimes I think old Christians of the past are either somehow not relevant and understandable today, or have some sort of super holiness that makes their writing less applicable. However, as usual, I was reminded again of how fallacious my thinking can be. Here is John Newton’s thoughts on a believer’s inability on account of remaining sin.

The Lord has given his people a desire and will aiming at great things; without this they would be unworthy the name of Christians; but they cannot do as they would: their best desires are weak and ineffectual, not absolutely so (for he who works in them to will, enables them in a measure to do likewise), but in comparison with the mark at which they aim.

He then goes on to describe a constant struggle of a Christian not excluding himself. I bet this 18th century writer hits you square on the nose like he did me.

(A Christian) would willingly enjoy God in prayer; he knows that prayer is his duty, but, in his judgement, he considers it likewise as his greatest honour and privelege. In this light he can recommend it to others, and can tell them of the wonderful condescension of the great God….that he should stoop so much lower, to afford his gracious ear to the supplications of sinful worms upon earth….By prayer he can say, You have liberty to cast all your cares upon him that careth for you. By one hour’s intimate access to the throne of grace, where the Lord causes his glory to pass before the soul that seeks him, you may acquire more true spiritual knowledge and comfort, than by a day or a week’s converse with the best of men…. But alas! How seldom can he do as he would! How often does he find this privilege a mere task, which he would be glad of a just excuse to omit? And the chief pleasure he derives from the performance is to think that his task is unfinished: - he has been drawing near to God with his lips, while his heart was far from him. Surely this is not doing as he would when he is dragged before God like a slave, and comes away like a thief.

I am now raising my hand and agreeing with his common assessment of at least myself. As Christians, we should never grow tired of growing tired of our nagging sin. But, to end this blog and to wrap it up with some encouragement…we return to Newton:

But blessed be God, we are not under law, but under grace. And even these distressing effects of the remnants of indwelling sin are over-ruled for good. By these experiences the believer is weaned more from self, and taught more highly to prize and more absolutely to rely on Him…The more vile we are in our own eyes, the more precious he will be to us; and a deep repeated sense of the evil of our hearts is necessary to preclude all boasting, and to make us willing to give the whole glory of our salvation where it is due. Again, a sense of these evils will reconcile us to the thoughts of death; yea, make us desirous to depart that we may sin no more, since we find depravity so deep rooted in our nature, that (like the leprous house) the whole fabric must be taken down before we can be freed from its defilement. Then, and not till then, we shall be able to do the thing that we would: when we see Jesus, we shall be transformed into his image, and have done with sin and sorrow forever.

I think Mr. Newton pretty much covered. One day, our sin will be no more. Do we long for that day?

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

my boy turned 1

Whit turned one yesterday. It's been a whole year. I thought this picture was relatively "manly", only b/c he threw all manners out the window and devoured his piece of cake. He never used the spoon for eating, only to chew on. I think we can commend him for this early step. I post this b/c I think it would be nice to give him any advice or 'manly' birthday wishes.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Everyone give attention to live earth!

Did anyone know we have a "Climate Crisis?"...I don't think the media has reminded me.

My colleague Gray Hardison has already spoken about Live Earth in his blog. However, I just wanted to add a few comments. First of all, I found it humorous that one of the excuses for a low turnout for the concerts was.....cold weather. Besides the irony, let's just be honest, Live Earth was a dud because in my opinion people don't care. Even with the media frenzy over the concert, it still raked in a whopping 2.7 million viewers on its primetime slot Saturday night. To put it in perspective, that is less than half the audience that "48 hours" drew in the same night and only slightly more than the daily viewers of Sweet Emotion (ok...obviously the last one was a lie). Sometimes ESPN (Who's Now anyone), and the media are just out of touch with reality.

Speaking of "Who's Now" on ESPN...I heard an explanation of it from Scot Van Pelt and still don't understand what the contest is. But, anyone care to notice which bracket is a little bit out of place. The Michael Jordan bracket, The Babe Ruth bracket, The Muhammad Ali bracket, and the Billie Jean King bracket. Wow, did they really just put Billie Jean King in the same category.

Finally, I've caught up on my summer movie watching. So far, "Live Free or Die Hard" has been my favorite. I think there is a maximum of 7 minutes without an action scene. It is a manly movie indeed.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Shame on America

How disappointing and embarrassing it was to find out that our nation, on it's birthday week (which symbolizes kicking butt and taking names), went to go see Ratatouille rather than Die Hard. This is just a disgrace to men everywhere. Shame on all the pacifists.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Barry Bonds

If I have to see the Chasing Aaron caption one more time on ESPN I think I'll.....I better stop because I know I will see it again. I already dislike the severely tainted record chase, but ESPN's every 45 second continuous reminder makes it gut-wrenching. Has there ever been a more despised record breaking effort? If Bonds breaks the record, which I'm sure he will, I just hope it is broken at an away stadium....Milwaukee would be best. That way, I can join in the chorus of boo's coming from the stands. Wanna bet his teammates won't even look very happy when he breaks it.

Secondly, it is dang hot. I saw where it is 116 degrees in Las Vegas. Granted, that is hot, but then I saw where it was only 3% humidity. Please..... I've been in Colorado where they are all complaining of 97 degree heat with no humidity. I invite all these mountain people to come down to the swamp of Jackson, Mississippi and feel the effects of 150% humidity. The only reason the deodorant company "Mitchum" (I think it's just Elmer's glue) has a market share is thanks to the sweltering south.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Taking back the 4th

I am all about the 4th of July. I think it is one of the few holidays where Men can actually take over and make it there own. In fact if you don't take advantage of it, you have some serious issues. Here are some solid tips on what to do to make this your manly holiday fantasy:

- Spend the whole day outside, it's probably best to not wear a shirt most of the day. Sunblock is for wimps. A real leather thick sunburn shows you spent your day well.

- Have friends over, lots of them. Neighbors, co-workers, people you went to pre-school with if you have to dig that far. Invite your local butcher if he's not booked, but only if he'll bring some huge meat.

- Grill out. Grill out. Grill out. In fact, do like me...start the night before. Try to grill so much meat that 'tree-huggers' start writing you hate mail on the 5th. Also, try to be more creative than just burgers and hot-dogs -- something with a barbeque sauce.

- Have music playing all day. You should probably only stick to Bruce Springsteen. In fact, "Born in the USA" ought to just be on repeat.

- Play lots of outdoor yard games: botche, yard golf, horshoes, badmitten. These games are lots of fun. All games must be played with your shirt off and with sunglasses on. Also, gambling makes things much more interesting. Be sure to challenge guys who have a beer in their hand before 1pm. Sure money.

- Fireworks are the most neccessary and crucial way to end your day. Shoot lots of them. In fact, shoot some bottlerockets at some people or even better at the neighbors cat (if you can hit the cat, your an excellent shot). These are the most fun when people are just screaming, it'll be sure to give you a laugh.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you do try to really keep it manly. There aren't many days like this a year where we can totally make it our own. Also, remember speak only in 'imperatives' (This is classic advice from Brian).This will remind everyone what this day is really abou - being a man!....if it wasn't for that stupid declaration of Independance.