If I had a Million Dollars...

It remains one of my 'fantasy fan' dreams to one day attend a super bowl. Just to be able to say I went, and I got the experience. I want to go, but the problem is that I don't have $2,000 just lying around for some nose-bleed ticket.

But then you watch some of the these NFL films documentaries and see "Jim-Bob Jawerski" who weighs 280 llbs but only stands 5'9, Jim has a thick mustache that is detectable through his painted face, but you can't tell what color his eyes are b/c he's wearing sun glasses even though it's not sunny. Jim has squeezed his body into his favorite team's jersey, the jersey of a player on the team that hasn't seen the field in at least 8-9 years. In fact the team has altered the uniform so much since then, you have to really know your football to know what team he is wearing. Underneath the jersey is an age-old turtleneck with the team's logo on the neck. His hat sits high upon his head, shaming Les Miles, and was obviously purchased at the Shell station right down the street from Jim-Bob's house. Coming out of the top of the hat is a pom-pom bearing his team's colors.

In one hand Jim-Bob has an amazing 64 ounce mug (the mug was orignally an athletic gatorade bottle that Jim 'converted' for personal use) full of the cheapest beer he could muster up, in the other hand is Jim's super bowl ticket that he has not let go of in over 2 weeks. In fact, it's probably super-glued to his finger tips. He even slept with it. Now as I gaze a stare at Jim-Bob, it's not hard to realize that he is not there 'on the companies money'. I am sure that all my past summer jobs at least equaled his annual salary. What I want to know is how in the world he got that ticket? How are the super bowl stadiums full of Jim-Bob Jawerski's? Easily this is one of the undiscovered 'mysteries of the universe'.

If I finally get to go one day, It will most likely be in similar fashion to the Jim-Bob's of the sportsworld. How can you just show up to the super bowl with no attire on? I've actually heard that security will escort you immediately to the exits. I'd sport the Jersey, hat, or if moment was right I might even paint the chest. I'd have to take in an enormous sign that would catch the camera's attention (Born to Ruin And Destory our Youth). The only problem would seem that you can't exactly take a 3 foot long sub into the stands, or where would you put an entire pizza? I doubt that would hold me back. Do I have any takers? Would anyone join me in this escapade?

If I were at the Super Bowl this week, my fantasy would be to bump into Bill Simmons in the beer line. I'd say "Are you Bill Simmons the sports guy?"...."Yeah, why?"......(right cross to the floor)....."keep the change you filthy animal...oh and the Giants just scored".....(the background of this would be the crowd cheering as Eli threw another TD).

Go Giants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Athletes meet Hollywood

Sweet Emotion claims to bring a Reformed, Seinfeldian view of life to table. And for the next blog, that is appropriate for two reasons. Seinfeld found everyday things in life to poke fun at. I think you'll agree that the usual athlete's attempt to turn Hollywood star is usually humorous. Secondly, it goes to show that God really does gift his people in different ways. For example, I would shudder to hear the music from a band with me as the lead singer. It may come as a surprise to some of you, but I am not gifted in that way. On the same note, athletic ability is a gift from the God of the Bible whether that person recognizes is or not. The gift of athletic ability does not always translate into a successful career in Hollywood. I heard some people talking about Dan Marino the other day, and for some reason I recalled his "Oscar" role in Ace Ventura.

Here are Sweet Emotions Top 5 most memorable attempts at bridging the Athlete-Hollywood Gap. Highlighted in the list will be risk factor (how many lines was he required to speak), unintentional comedy level, memorable lines, quality of movie, and any other necessary note.

5) Andre the Giant - this assumes that Pro-Wrestling is an athletic sport. Again, I understand pro-wrestling (spoiler alert) is not real, but I could not leave him nor his crucial role in The Princess Bride out.
Risk Level - medium - Though he had more lines than one might think, keeping Andre in the role of a stupid giant enabled him to carry out the lines with little risk.
Unintentional comedy level - low - The Princess Bride is a GREAT MOVIE, so most of the comedy is intentional.
Memorable lines - After westley asks if he is just fiddling around with him. Andre responds with. "I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed."
Also this: Fezzik: We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
Man in Black: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?
Fezzik: [brandishing rock] I could kill you now.
Quality of movie - High. A classic. Nominated for 5 Oscars
Other Notes: He has one of the best cross over names (Fezzik) and his memorable hand to hand showdown with "Man in Black" is top-notch

4) Reggie Jackson - He played himself beautifully in The Naked Gun
Risk Factor - Very Low - I believe his only lines were, "I must kill the queen." And to further minimize the risk factor, they forced him to act like a robot.
Unintentional Comedy Level - High - Reggie tries to act like a robot and then is form tackled by Leslie Nielson. Beautiful
Memorable Lines - I must kill the queen.
Quality of Movie - high. One of my favority movies to quote. The whole baseball scene at the end still makes me chuckle. Surprisingly there were no Oscar Nominations.
Other Notes: Probably the only movie on the list that contains another athlete turned actor. O.J. Simpson. He is painfully bad, but they manage to minimize his lines by having him in the hospital doped up for most of the movie.

3) Howie Long - Taking a lead role in the movie Firestorm
Risk Factor - Out the roof - They actually put this guy in a lead role. And the movie pays the price.
Unintentional Comedy Level - again, out the roof. In a high action disaster movie with a Hall of Fame defensive lineman with more than 10 lines....the possibilities are endless.
Memorable Lines - Anyone? I'm sure he said something incredibly corny before killing someone.
Quality of Movie - only have seen bits and pieces of it on TBS or something.
Other Notes: Who can forget the scene with Howie emerging from a lake with an axe in hand ready to throw?

2) Tommy Morrison - Rocky V. What an emotional character and gut-wrenching relationship he had with Rocky.
Risk Factor - medium - not as high as you would think. Putting anyone next to Sylvester Stallone will make him look better than he really is.
Unintentional comedy level - High - The Rocky/Rocky Jr. scenes are saturated with unintentional comedy. The kid wears earrings, and cries in front of his dad. He also tells his dad about Picasso in one scene. Rocky and Picasso....hmmm.
Memorable lines: Anytime, anyplace, anywhere!
Tommy Gunn: Yo Rock. I ai'nt you. You ai'nt Mick. When are you gonna realize that this is a buissness? Where's the money?
Tommy Gunn: Duke gave me my title shot. You didn't.
Rocky Balboa: But, Tommy.
Tommy Gunn: No way Rock, it's my way or the highway.
Quality of movie: a complete disaster. First time I can remember being very disappointed at a movie as a child.
Other Notes: Tommy "The Machine" Gunn helped make Rocky V and embarrassment to the series. Actually, I don't count it as one. Classic moment does come when he pops Paulie in the mouth and Rocky says "Hey yo, my rings outside."

1) Dan Marino - as mentioned earlier, his role in Ace Ventura was awesomely painful to watch.
Risk Factor - pretty low...but not low enough
Unintentional Comedy Level - He is so bad in it that it goes beyond it and hurts
Memorable Lines -
Ace Ventura:Please don't kill me. I'll never tell anyone. Kill him, he's the one you want.
Dan Marino: No, no kill him.
Ace Ventura: No kill him. He held the ball wrong, remember? Come on, look at the guy.
Dan Marino: Whimp.
Ace Ventura: Jock.
Dan Marino: Cry-baby.
Ace Ventura: Muscle-head.
Lois Einhorn: SHUT UP.
Quality of Movie - love it. Even Dan Marino doesn't keep me from laughing.
Other notes: Mr. Shickadance is one of the greatest character names for any movie.

Honorable Mention - Dennis Rodman, Georghe Muresan, Brian Bosworth, Mario Lopez (he wrestled in high school)

Any I've left out?

Tuesday Thoughts

Let me apologize for the recent slow moving activity at Sweet Emotion. Only a post a week is bush league and we apologize. No wonder the stock market has been spiraling downward the past few weeks. Sometimes we forget the influence we have on the world. With that being said, let me share a few thoughts.

1) The Super Bowl - I'm pretty excited about the super bowl. The Patriots have given me one more reason to dislike them. Two Words - Laurence Maroney. My goodness, where was this guy during the regular season? Oh yea....on my fantasy football team riding the bench! After they never gave him the ball during the regular season, they decide to let him run crazy for the playoffs. Mr. Maroney, you just got taken off our Christmas Card list.
The Patriots appear to be pretty much unstoppable. However, just maybe the Giants can pull off the crazy win. All teams that have played the Patriots twice have played them much better the second go-around.
A couple of observations from the games: 1) Tom Coughlin looked like he was in need of some skin grafts after the game. His face looked like the famous "pimple remover" episode in Saved by the Bell. 2) Terry Bradshaw needs to cut his hair. When he did post-game interviews without a hat....it was just disturbing. 3) Belichick did not wear his sweatshirt. 4) The Patriots offensive line is ridiculous. Tom Brady looks like he is playing back yard football with a "12 Mississippi" rush.

2) The master of the blogging world Gray Hardison had some scary video of Tom Cruise on his website. I was the other day where the "church" of scientology is suing the website for posting the Tom Cruise promo video. Here is a free tidbit of information for life. Anytime a "religious" organization does everything they can to keep the outside world from knowing exactly what it is they believe....run away.

3) The SEC is down in basketball this year. My prediction: Only 5 teams make it to the tournament. Tennessee, Mississippi State, Ole Miss, Florida and Vanderbilt. Most teams will have to go 10-6, 11-5 in the SEC to make the Big Dance.

4) Looks like ole Coach O might be headed for the New Orleans Saints. Orgeron is a great "assistant" coach. I repeat, assistant coach. So could be possibly a good move for the Saints. It will be fun seeing Orgeron yell at Hollis Thomas

I'm not sure where Watlington has been, but I'm his trusty wingman so I'll track him down.

Weekend Review and other thoughts

First: Thoughts from the weekend in sports. Some of the NFL results surprised me. How did the Colts lose to a chargers team that was without LT, Rivers (in the 4th), and Gates not up to par. Not to mention, the colts had quite a few calls go their way. I hate the chargers won because I think they have little to none chance of beating the Patriots. By the way, did anybody else see Philip Rivers jawing with the Colts fans. Philip, you are out of high school, time to quit that kind of stuff.

The Patriots and Packers keep rolling along with no big surprises there. Somehow the Giants keep winning. I guess they will be who I am rooting for the rest of the way. Their game plan seems to be working: Run the ball, come after the quarterback on defense, and let Eli take what the defense gives him. My prediction: Patriots Giants Super Bowl.

Second: Let me highly recommend two books for the New Year. Humility by C.J. Mahaney and Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges. Mahaney takes a good look at pride and humility and gives pointed application and direction for dealing with pride. He constantly reminds the reader that everything (talents, salvation, life, friends, etc) comes from the gracious hand of God...therefore a proud Christian is an oxymoron. It's a book that punched me in the gut a few times and I could use a few more good blows to the belly of my pride. As Mahaney asserts, Look to the cross of Christ constantly, for no man can stand prideful at its foot.

Respectable Sins is another gut-wrenchingly convicting book. He starts off by saying its easy in the culture we live in to look around and feel pretty good about yourself. We figure since we are not involved in any rape, murder, theft, or crazy drunkenness cases then we are doing just find. He opens the door of sin and examines the the "acceptable" sins of society. Bridges details sins such as anger, pride, gossip, anxiety, and ungodliness and applies the gospel to them. If one reads Bridges book and does not feel His need for a Savior...then I would worry.

Lastly, Senator Hillary Clinton's tears over the toll of her presidential campaign reminded me of some tears in the past from her husband. The clip always made me laugh. Anyone remember when President Clinton was laughing it up with a friend at a funeral until he saw a camera. It is uncanny. Have a great Monday. Here is the clip as narrated by Mr. Rush Limbaugh.

Thoughts on the 2 Weeks of 2008

It's been a while for me, sorry about the absence, there's been much to cover but while I was out of a routine I blanked regularly on what to say. Quick thoughts on the recent events of the New Year:

The BCS
Fox has done the most pathetic job of any network in covering the major bowl games. They are a complete disgrace and have ruined more so what is becoming a faded holiday - New Year's Day. The announcers are bad, but more so (I know it's all about the $$) the spreading out of the games has made the BCS championship the MOST anti-climactic championship game in major sports. If ten years ago, when we had New Year's day dissasters like Michigan and Nebraska both undefeated and not playing each other, you would have told me that College football was going to get it's version of the 'super bowl' where we actually had a championship game, I would have been ecstatic. But the delay of an entire week has made viewers forget and fans like me not realizing the game was on until you turned on ESPN that night and they mentioned something about it on sportscenter. Did anyone else think that college football had lost a little bit of steam by the 8th of January? The spreading out of the other games on the 2nd and 3rd is boring enough, pointless, and is making January 1st less and less exciting. I was so annoyed how ESPN had that running clock on the bottom of the screen counting downt the time till the Rose Bowl.

It's almost like ESPN/ABC was going to campaign for USC to get some 1st place votes before the bowls even took place. All the commercials, gameday being there, ABC's lone BCS broadcast - it all reflects an attitude that still wants to equate the Rose Bowl with the Championship game. I was so annoyed that Chris Fowler and co. still couldn't "clearly claim" LSU the national champion. They say that they were not sure "LSU is clearly the best team". Who the hell cares about that question? That is the most subjective argument and is simulatneously pointless. Were the Pittsburgh Steelers the best team in the NFL during the 2005 season? It doesn't matter, they won the Super Bowl and are therefore the champions- end of argument. Was Syracuse the best team of college basketball in the 2002-03? It doesn't matter, they won the tournament.

I can appreciate conversations trying to get to a playoff system (though the Georgia President came across as a whiner with his timing), but their are still idiots out there who voted USC #1. It would be like the voters voting for a team that lost in the final four. I know it's not exactly the same thing, but college football has a championship game. The winner wins the national championship, end of discussion ESPN.

NFL Playoffs

I was going to make picks for the games last weekend, but luckily I never posted it. I really thought the Redskins could beat the soft/lame/pathetic/wimpy/whining Seattle Seahawks. Jacksonville won like I thought they would, but I hope they have something left for Saturday. New York impressed me, I really thought they were going to have a letdown and Eli would have another bad playoff game. Norv Turner outsmarted himself and actually won a playoff game, San Diego did look ugly beating a beat up Tennessee team.

This weekend, it's unfortunate that Jacksonville's two stud DT's will be out, with them (Stroud & Henderson) I think they could really give them problems. My hope is that the game is really physical and takes a tough toll on New England. I'd be more shocked if a Norv Turner led team could win a playoff game on the road than if Jxnville knocked off New England. I think we will be able to know what will happen in the NFC with the 1st Quarter of the Dallas game. Good or Bad Romo? If Dallas comes out sharpe they will run away with the NFC. Seattle has no shot in Green Bay. I repeat that...no shot.

College Basketball

I think I now realize why some areas are not excited about college sports, they don't have a team to cheer for. I was very indifferent to College Basketball untill Tennessee became a respectable team 3 years ago. If you don't have a team to be excited about, it's painful till March....very painful. The Ole Miss/Tennessee game last night was an instant classic. The jury was out on the Rebs, and they proved they are for real. I think those are clearly the best two teams in the SEC.

Politics

I think everyone I talk to agrees that this is the most exciting primaries in our lifetime. I have opinions on most of the candidates, but one thing I'm constantly laughing at is the media and youth opinion of Obama. Whenever I see one of his rally's, I have to remind myself this is not E! and I'm not watching a Michael Jackson apperance in Japan. I dislike Obama for one main reason - Oprah publicly endorsed him.

Happy Belated New Year. Please enter your picks for the playoffs this weekend....

American Gladiators Returns

Per request from Daniel Luter (we try to please our readers). The weekend was a big one for sports. Why? Because the American classic TV program “American Gladiators” returned in style. Here is Sweet Emotion's quick review of the classic tv gameshow return.

1) Larry Thompson is desperately needed back – the overweight ref (Al Kaplon) that screams "Contestants are you ready," instead of Larry’s “GLADIATORS…READY” just doesn’t cut it. In my research, the reason behind Al’s performance was obvious. He was an American League umpire. Larry Thompson was a college football ref and Al was a MLB ref. Need I say more. I am waiting for the crowd to start a “We want Larry, we want Larry.” Chant. Larry would have Disqualified _____ for holding onto the rope in the new game “Earthquake.” He does not allow funny business and runs a tight ship. There will never be another Gladiators referee like Larry Thompson. I need to check with Liza to see if I am now related via marriage.

2) The injury in the first game of Powerball was an instant classic. I can't find video footage, but watching the knee buckle of the female contestant was a moment.

3) Helga is the scariest gladiator male/female. I never saw her compete in the first hour of the show, but she has got to be 6’4” 245.

4) The Old Games are still the best. Earthquake, Pyramid and the bridge game, while innovative…have nothing on the Joust, the Wall, Powerball, and assault.

5) They need to cut away from too many interviews and wrestling showcases. The gladiators are better when they treat the game realistically instead of trying to become some cartoonish villain like “Wolf.” Leave that for pro-wrestling, this stuff is real.

6) Mike Adamle and Larry Csonka are much needed. Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali are too much. They subtract from the professionalism that is American Gladiators. (See point 5). I sorely miss Mike Adamle saying, my co-partner needs no introduction, please welcome Larry Csonka.

7) The Eliminator is new and improved. If you did not see the exhausted girls performance…words cannot describe it. I like the barrel roll and the handbike moved to the end.

8) On a sidenote, here is the greatest eliminator finish of all time. You must watch this…Bam Bam versus Mark Ortega. Notice four things in the video and it will show you the pinnacle of entertainment that is the original Gladiators. If you don’t get chillbumps watching this…I question your Patriotism. Read the following before watching…it’s called your show prep.
1) Notice the photo finish
2) Notice Bam Bam’s despair after the loss
3) Take not of the Crowd’s hysterical reaction….probably equal to the Cal Marching band finish
4) Notice Larry Thompson charge in a make the ruling immediately following the finish.
5) Listen to Mike Adamle’s excitement. All you need to know to petition for Mike to be back.